Amen! Every time I hear this commercial, I think ... none of this would have ever happened if the…
Amen! Every time I hear this commercial, I think ... none of this would have ever happened if they had started off a Patriots family.
My Inner Southie Monologue: "We started out as a Patriots family. Until my retahded son Brendan met Sarah from Philly, got married, moved to Cincy, and for some ungodly reason decided to like the fricking Bengals. Then my clueless daughter Julie met Emmitt Smith and started liking the Cowboys even though he hasn't played for them since before she was born. For all I know, maybe he's her real father. And after years of eating Roethlis-Burgers, my apparently adopted son Dan became a Steelers fan, proving that mad cow disease has reached the Mid-Atlantic Region. And that’s how my Patriots family became a much smaller family, and I realized that I was just a terrible father all along." 
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here.
"It is the common fate of the indolent to see their rights become a prey to the active. The condition upon which God hath given liberty to man is eternal vigilance; which condition if he break, servitude is at once the consequence of his crime and the punishment of his guilt."
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