You Are Spammer #5000, Please Wait In The Lounge

For some unknown reason, I've been keeping spam since April 1997. I've noticed that it has been more-or-less steadily increasing since the beginning (I have a Perl script to extract the data for me):

Spam by Month

1997-04 :   2 : 
1997-05 :  16 : ##
1997-06 :  24 : ###
1997-07 :  22 : ###
1997-08 :  25 : ####
1997-09 :  27 : ####
1997-10 :  37 : ######
1997-11 :  69 : ###########
1997-12 :  53 : ########
1998-01 :  56 : #########
1998-02 :  99 : ################
1998-03 :  61 : #########
1998-04 :  68 : ###########
1998-05 :  90 : ##############
1998-06 :  92 : ##############
1998-07 :  79 : ############
1998-08 :  48 : #######
1998-09 :  49 : #######
1998-10 :  68 : ###########
1998-11 :  85 : #############
1998-12 :  64 : ##########
1999-01 :  76 : ############
1999-02 :  96 : ###############
1999-03 :  80 : #############
1999-04 : 106 : #################
1999-05 :  64 : ##########
1999-06 : 105 : #################
1999-07 : 192 : ###############################
1999-08 : 182 : #############################
1999-09 : 141 : ######################
1999-10 : 127 : ####################
1999-11 : 150 : ########################
1999-12 : 148 : ########################
2000-01 : 136 : ######################
2000-02 : 156 : #########################
2000-03 : 240 : #######################################
2000-04 : 199 : ################################
2000-05 : 217 : ###################################
2000-06 : 287 : ##############################################
2000-07 : 239 : ######################################
2000-08 : 240 : #######################################
2000-09 : 329 : #####################################################
2000-10 : 350 : ########################################################


Spam by Year

1998 :  859 : #####################
1999 : 1467 : ####################################
2000 : 2393 : ###########################################################


Total Spam : 5004

Wow. 350 spams so far in October. More than 10 spams per day. And the month is not done. From 1998 to 1999 we increased 171 percent. If all keeps going similarly, we could go up by more than 210 percent in 2000 over 1999. What amazing growth! And I have more than 5000 spams total! That is the auspicious occasion for this missive, to celebrate the 5K mark. I want to thank all of the spammers out there that have contributed to my success (and I hope to reward them someday, but more on that later).

So who was lucky number 5000? Internet Information Services of Billings, Montana. This wonderful company will find out information about your friends and neighbors (or you, for them) for a nominal fee ($19.50, 45 cents cheaper than you might expect). Unfortunately it WORKS WITH ALL BROWSERS AND ALL VERSIONS OF AOL! but there is no "MAC" version. I assume I can get a Palm or Linux version though -- since I have browsers on those platforms -- so I should be OK.

The CEO of IIS, John Taylor, was even nice enough to provide a second fax number in case the first one is busy. Now that's class! If you really want to get through to Classy Johnny, you might want to try both numbers at the same time, repeatedly, to make sure that you get through, because who could possibly pass up an offer like this?

I'd just like to thank Classy Johnny Taylor and all of his compatriots in the spamming business. Without them, I would not be, um ... I guess I wouldn't be writing this. And where would ANY of us be without me writing this?

In case you want to "contact" them for any reason, you can check out the spam yourself.