Be Quiet!

I wrote this back in late '96, in a fit of anti-polling fervor. I think the thought was that we pay attention so much to polls, we might as well just get rid of elections.

Enjoy. Or not.

CLINTON:    Be quiet!  I order you to be quiet!
OLD WOMAN:  Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
CLINTON:    I am your president!
OLD WOMAN:  Well, I didn't vote for you.
CLINTON:    You don't vote for presidents.
OLD WOMAN:  Well, how did you become president, then?
CLINTON:    The Pollster of the Swamp, after calling a random sample of
            the populace, held a piece of paper aloft from the bosom of
            the Delaware signifying by Divine Providence ...  that I,
            Clinton, was your favourite ... That is why I am your
            president!
DENNIS:     Look,  strange men in ponds calling strangers and
            distributing leaves of papyrus is no basis for a system of
            government.  Supreme executive power derives from a mandate
            from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
CLINTON:    Be quiet!
DENNIS:     You can't expect to wield supreme executive power
            just 'cause some bespectacled outcast called a few people!
CLINTON:    Shut up!
DENNIS:     I mean, if I went around saying I was an Emperor just
            because some shriveled fruit had called my friends,
            they'd put me away!
CLINTON:    (Grabbing him by the collar) Shut up, will you. Shut up!
DENNIS:     Ah! NOW ... we see the violence inherent in the system.
CLINTON:    Shut up!
 
PEOPLE (i.e. other PEASANTS) are appearing and watching.
 
DENNIS:     (calling) Come and see the violence inherent in the system.
            Help, help, I'm being repressed!
CLINTON:    (aware that people are now coming out and watching)
            Bloody peasant!
            (pushes DENNIS over into mud and prepares to ride off)
DENNIS:     Oh, what a give away.  Did you here that, did you here
            that, eh?  That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing
            me, you saw it didn't you?
CLINTON:    Come on, Hillary.